Glory Days

Never was much of an athlete. I mean, I was good enough to play on all-star teams in little league growing up, but I never stood out on them. By the time I went to high school, I actually chose tennis over baseball. But I was never too good at that either. Without going into too much detail about my self-defeating psychological makeup, let's just say I didn't have the head for it. Given my size and lack of speed, I think of myself as having been a decent high school football player. I like to think I compensated, at least in part, for shortcomings with a delirious aggression rarely duplicated anywhere by anyone. I didn't really have a nose for the ball so much as I had a nose for hitting anyone in my path. It is what it is. Errr....was what it was.

Pretty much since I went to college in the fall of 1999, participation in competitive sports has ceased completely. I mean, I try to workout -- with varied success -- but I probably get most of my exercise from riding my bike. Last summer, I was recruited to play on a basketball team. Please note, I use the term "recruited" loosely. As I would come to find out over the course of our first two seasons, I was only asked to play so that two of my teammates, who are no longer on the team, wouldn't have to share the ball and would be free to shoot until their arms fell off.

This season, we switched it up. At this point I don't remember exactly how the whole thing shook out, but the two ball hogs, admittedly really good players, left the team and were replaced by friends. Having lost in the first round of the playoffs earlier this evening, I can safely say we underachieved. Even with my paltry contributions, we definitely had more athletes on our team than almost every other in the league.

It feels terrible to have lost. I mean, it's not as bad as when we didn't get into the state playoffs my senior year in high school because of a coin toss (no, I'm not kidding), but this L isn't sitting well with me. Right now I hate the other team, all its players, and all of the fat girls that comprised their rooting section. And you know what? In a way, it feels really good. Who knew you could miss losing? I didn't.

And now, some gratuitous self-indulgence. Below is the write-up from our second to last game this season, which, by at least 12 points was my best performance of the last year:

FaFaFini handled the OGs with ease, heading into the playoffs on a two game winning streak, and will be a handful for CellExchange in the first round next week. In this one, Seamus was on point, getting 27 points to go with his 12 boards. Gotta be a career high for the man that's more known for crashing the boards than putting the bisket in the basket. Heck, he could have broken 30 had more than 1 of his 8 freebie attempts decided to fall. But nice work all around Seamus. He was running the break well and converting nearly every time, even letting the tongue wag on occasions. Doug E Fresh dropped a 20/20 spot on the OGs head, getting the hoop with reckless abandon, and often time rebounding his own misses to pad his stats. Their third, his name escapes me, and somehow hasn't been added to the roster, dropped a PHAT TripleDub to the tune of 22 points, 16 boards and 10 assists. Talk about numbers that make your head spin. Where's this been every week fellas??

Parting notes:

This would have been a classic write-up if it didn't mention my ineptitude from the charity stripe.....though perhaps that's the best part. Depends where you're sitting.

Google 'Fafafini'. Or just look it up on Wikipedia. Wait. I'll do it for you. Though I have to credit Kev for the discovery of this phenomenon, I can take full credit for having named our basketball team after it. At one point over the course of the season, a couple players from an opposing team asked us for an explanation, adding, "There are rumors flying around. Just wanted to hear it from you guys." To which we responded, naturally, by laughing our asses off and confirming that whatever explanation they found on Internet was likely true...

And now, I'm off to do dishes. Then maybe some vacuuming.