In Need of Tryptophan And Relaxation

Randy's in my head. Rightfully so. I've been taking the easy way out. It's lazy. It's cheap. Sometimes it's all I can muster.  I'm tired.  All work no play makes Seamus a dull boy.  Perhaps more accurately, all work no play during the week makes Seamus a drunken slob on Friday and Saturday nights, and subsequently useless on Saturday and Sunday, the two most potentially fruitful blogging days.  Well, I'm drying out this Thanksgiving so please stay tuned.  

          

I'm Sorry Randy

Hard Labour, Guy Stacking 20 Bricks on His Head - Click here for funny video clips


via videosift.com

Just A Few Concept Cars....

I work in an office.  Our office has a front desk.  It is manned by a man.  I use both terms loosely. He answers the phones.  Sometimes.  He fancies himself a real bad-ass.  A real rogue citizen.  He's 22.  His name is Billy.  About a month ago Billy started sending me emails.  The most memorable one included the subject line, "Just a few concept cars...."  

To this day, I remain unsure where he got the idea I had any interest in cars.  

On Halloween Billy dressed up like an FBI agent, complete with bulletproof vest.  Finding it best to ignore him entirely, I made no reference to the costume.  He sent me an email.

"You want to try on my vest?  Come on.  I know you want to try on my vest.  Come try on my vest.  You can wear it for the afternoon."  

I deleted it.  

A couple days later, on my way out of the office to get lunch, I was summonsed by Billy. He swiftly walked towards me and extended his hand.  A Caramelo.  

"What's this?" I asked as I simultaneously accepted the gift.  

"It's a Caramelo," he responded.  

"Oh.  Thanks."  

As I walked past the building's reception desk on my way out of the office I notice a box of candy.  Caramelo's were being sold for a dollar apiece, proceeds to charity.  I shrugged and ate my candy bar.  

I told a co-worker, Tom, about the whole thing.  He said through delirious laughter that he didn't want to be seen with me.  When I asked why, he responded, "Single White Female".      

A day later, during a seemingly ill-advised conversation at my cubicle with Tom, Billy turned the corner, "Seamus" he said as we briefly made eye contact and he held up the candy bar before placing it on my desk.  

"Wait, wait, wait," Tom added, shaking his head.  "Did you buy Seamus a candy bar?"  

"No."  

"Then what's this?" Tom demanded, nodding toward the chocolate-caramel goodness on my desk.  

"I stole it."  

"You stole it?  You stole Seamus a candy bar?  The proceeds go to charity.  You STOLE it?  That's for charity, man."

"I bought it.  I bought Seamus the candy bar."  

"Well, which is it?  Did you steal a guy a candy bar or did you buy him one?"  

"I bought it."  

Amidst this vague, uncomfortable resolution, the exchange abruptly ended and Billy walked away.     

Since then, I've declined two candy bar offers.  "I'm full" I usually offer while rubbing my distended belly.  

Yesterday he bought Tom a candy bar.  Said he only had a 5, and therefore had to buy 5 Caramelos.  This is interesting when you consider the envelope of single dollar bills situated beside the candy bars in the box at the building's reception desk.    

This is an interesting website.  

This guy is crazy.  

Ever heard of McSweeney's?

I'll Bail YOU Out

Desperate times call for desperate measures: in my case, novice economic pontification. Some advocates of unfettered capitalism aren't really advocates of unfettered capitalism, but rather, corporate socialism. Long before AIG there existed the notion that the federal government should bail out large corporations. When navigating the proverbial fence, your decision ultimately transcends dogmatic hyperbole. Or is that what it ultimately boils down to?

Band-aids and golden parachutes when perhaps major surgery is necessary. PUBLIC resources down the CORPORATE drain. I personally don't care what GM executives and their Chrysler and Ford counterparts have to say about their dire circumstances. Executives’ executives don’t get to play Karl Marx when it suits them. Not when intellectuals without vested interests in "The Big Three" have argued on the behalf of market forces and against taxpayer/federal assistance. Why not support workers and the communities that would be adversely affected by a bankruptcy filing instead? Or have certain businesses become so enormous that they rightfully command our unwavering attention and resources in a floundering economy?

On a certain level, as an American, it's frustrating that GM has long been so ineptly run that I would take a certain abstract visceral pleasure in watching its demise unfold. Companies of this sort are supposed to flounder and die, no? Isn't this a fundamental idea upon which our economy is predicated? GM has failed to make themselves and their products relevant through thick AND thin economic cycles. Remember when the hybrid craze first began and GM stubbornly clung to the notion that big, huge, silly cars with no regard for fuel economy were somehow innately American? Like by refusing to change they were somehow defending our way of life? At least from a distance, wouldn't continued inefficacy follow a large scale bailout?

To Be Continued....

Prop 8

On Saturday, in cities across the country, Americans gathered in protest of what is accurately characterized as a step backwards.  As part of an ongoing initiative to take steps away from the armchair and into the fray, I was there. 

While it's disheartening that, in this day and age, we are still arguing over -and at times retracting- the civil rights of entire groups of people, I was encouraged by a turnout estimated at 10,000.       

The truth is, even in beacons of progress like Massachusetts, there are forty some odd rights and benefits afforded to married heterosexual couples that are not afforded to married homosexual couples.  Judging by the turnout, perhaps the tide is changing.  It's about time.      

In Honor of Barrack Obama

A Free Thom Yorke Download.

Have Any Plans For Tomorrow?

Meet me here.

I'm Listening

Ryan said...
I think you were wrong on every single game...

This doesn't surprise me.  Does it surprise you?  If you're consistently good at predicting football games, you're likely some kind of quant.  And I'm no quant.  This guy is though.  

Seamus,
How bold of you to admit your fondness for Pooh. I would have loved to watch you and Michael sing Pooh songs...too funny!
Loving you,
Mrs. Holden

Bold?  It'd be bold of me not to, Mrs. Holden.  In this day and age, what's holding a 27 year-old man from openly embracing a cartoon bear with a penchant for honey and little boys who wear girl's shoes?   Wait...  

Tallent said...
The real question about Sarah Palin, is if she really farted at the free throw line during a high school basketball game?

Was this ever confirmed?  Because if this one was true, I pretty sure she's not qualified to be vice president.  Good thing she's not going to be.  I look forward to her spread in Maxim, though.   

Tim Curcio said...

Were you on the set of Footloose?

I fucking wish.  Kevin Bacon's my fave.    

Keats said...
Amazing amazing amazing recap of the debauchery that occurred that night!

I wish I could say I took creative license here.  Unfortunately, that wedding was the most absurd religious ceremony I've ever attended.  And that's pretty intense when you consider I've made communion (eaten bread magic to turned into human flesh), reconciliation (sat in a room by myself with an old guy I didn't know, begging forgiveness for "sins" that were really only the tip of an iceberg of youthful indiscretions that would have gotten me excommunicated on the spot), and have been confirmed (couldn't even begin to explain this one).   

Anonymous said...
Seamus, this is by far your best blog ever. I think you are getting the hang of this whole blog thing.
-Marty

I wish more of my life was this scandalous.  This crappy blog got 200 hits the day I wrote about that wedding.  Perhaps I should start watching Gossip Girl, change a little detail here, detail there, and pawn off various absurdities as autobiographical anecdotes?    

Tallent said...
I couldn't agree more with Marty, thats some good stuff. I wish I was there!

I wish you were there, too.  As horrible as the whole thing was, everyone should be so lucky as to be invited to a real white trash wedding where their fiance's life is threatened by the bride and both of her parents.   Surreal.  It was a privilege.  

Seamus...what a nightmare wedding...I promise not to throw drinks, dance too much or sing at all IF I EVEN GET INVITED TO YOUR WEDDING!!!
Mrs. Holden

Of course you're invited.  Duh.  I've heard you sing before though.  Your seat will be at least 40 yards from the nearest microphone.  

Mackin said...
Interesting songs. Fuck Buttons is growing on me. I think you need to hear this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHhhcKxflMY
let me know what you think.

I've heard this one before.  I think they played it on SNL.  I like these guys.  I just never feel compelled to get their stuff for some reason.  

ryan said...
WTF is this?

"Genesis", the song I posted, becomes really sick about 35 seconds in until approximately the 2:00 mark, when you realize the song isn't going anywhere.   

ryan said...
This is fantastic. Very nice. Did she let you mail it?

Unfortunately, no.  Marty and I even came up with a fake scenario whereby he stole the letter from the center console of our car, where it has been since the day I wrote it, and mailed it without my permission.  We tested the waters first by telling Moose this had already happened. She was neither fooled nor amused.   Ultimately, she has opted to take the high road.  I hate the high road.  

caitlin said...
the monkey project had these insect zappers that looked just like badminton racquet's, but emit an electric shock when you swing them and make contact with something. After a few drinks, naturally, we hit each other with them. Feels really weird if you hit your tongue. If those blue bug zapper lanterns are anything like those, the shock is fairly forceful but does not give you any burns.

My sister the academic, everybody.  She's very studious, focused, and inquisitive.  She's going to change the world.    


mike said...
i never sleep

Go to sleep, Mike.

james said...
After reading this I thought I'd be able to find a video with someone touching one of the large blue outdoor bug zappers. After a solid 30 minutes... nothing.  I thought for sure there'd be some idiot who's tried this.  Seamus, This could be good for the blog. Film yourself touching one of these things. It'll be the first on the information super highway.

I like it.  I'll have to keep my eye out for one the next time I'm at a barbecue in the burbs.  

Mortimer said...
Is that last one a new olympic event? The septuple jump?

Very funny, Mortimer.  Truth be told, I'm not sure why I included that clip.  Pretty impressive though.    

Whoa

Many Different LIghts

There are many different lights under which to examine Barrack Obama's successful bid for the presidency of the United States.  I'd like to shine it on one of the under-acknowledged nooks.  For obvious reasons, certain aspects of the Obama story have taken a back seat to the issues.  To a degree, voicing an appreciation for the Obama story became taboo.  To be sure, it is not impressive that the most inspiring American political figure in as long as I can remember happens to be black.  It is cause for prideful celebration, however, that this country has finally reached a point where it is willing to embrace and elect that black man as president. 

A close friend of mine is a high school teacher at an inner-city school.  Given his unabashed passion for exposing institutional lies and manipulations on the behalf of any oppressed people, and also his enthusiastic approach to teaching and learning, I had lamented aloud this morning the fact that I would not be on hand to see his reception of his students this morning, and their reception of him.  Unbeknownst to him, I'm going to share the candid account he sent via email not long ago:    

As I watched the returns early in the evening it became clear after he took Pennsylvania that the race would be over within a few hours.  It just wasn't possible given the math for McCain to win.  So I took my time, prepared my lesson for the next day and headed out to an all black bar downtown, kicking myself that I didn't stay in Chicago for the rally, but happy to be joining some people that this held a great deal of significance for.

I got there a little before the major crowds showed up and nursed a beer while the central time zone returns came rolling in. The place was getting more and more crowded by the minute, and then BAM! Florida, POW!  California... and it was over.

As I looked around the bar at that moment I saw many different faces, but they all had similar looks of shock, amazement, relief and joy. I can honestly say that I have never been in a more exuberant crowd in my life. Everyone was screaming, jumping up and down, hugging each other, crying, laughing, and expressing a joy of the soul unique and singular to this moment. The next 30 minutes were filled with champagne, free drinks and a blitz of fast talking disbelief. For once, we actually elected the exact right person to fill one of the most important jobs in the world.

I was obviously really excited to walk into school today to see the pride and joy on the students' and teachers' faces. I have to say I feel extremely privileged to have been at this place for one of the defining moments in our history. I will never forget the hugs and high fives I gave and received all day today, from principal to security guards to teachers, and students. This was one of the proudest days of my life. To know that we were on the right side of history, that we have pushed civilization closer and closer to equality and justice, and that we can all come together in the days, months and years to come and continue the long march toward an even better day.

I'm proud to be an American today.

This was pretty much exactly the way I pictured it.   And I agree.

Trials & Tribulations

Me... Every Monday