Just A Few Concept Cars....

I work in an office.  Our office has a front desk.  It is manned by a man.  I use both terms loosely. He answers the phones.  Sometimes.  He fancies himself a real bad-ass.  A real rogue citizen.  He's 22.  His name is Billy.  About a month ago Billy started sending me emails.  The most memorable one included the subject line, "Just a few concept cars...."  

To this day, I remain unsure where he got the idea I had any interest in cars.  

On Halloween Billy dressed up like an FBI agent, complete with bulletproof vest.  Finding it best to ignore him entirely, I made no reference to the costume.  He sent me an email.

"You want to try on my vest?  Come on.  I know you want to try on my vest.  Come try on my vest.  You can wear it for the afternoon."  

I deleted it.  

A couple days later, on my way out of the office to get lunch, I was summonsed by Billy. He swiftly walked towards me and extended his hand.  A Caramelo.  

"What's this?" I asked as I simultaneously accepted the gift.  

"It's a Caramelo," he responded.  

"Oh.  Thanks."  

As I walked past the building's reception desk on my way out of the office I notice a box of candy.  Caramelo's were being sold for a dollar apiece, proceeds to charity.  I shrugged and ate my candy bar.  

I told a co-worker, Tom, about the whole thing.  He said through delirious laughter that he didn't want to be seen with me.  When I asked why, he responded, "Single White Female".      

A day later, during a seemingly ill-advised conversation at my cubicle with Tom, Billy turned the corner, "Seamus" he said as we briefly made eye contact and he held up the candy bar before placing it on my desk.  

"Wait, wait, wait," Tom added, shaking his head.  "Did you buy Seamus a candy bar?"  

"No."  

"Then what's this?" Tom demanded, nodding toward the chocolate-caramel goodness on my desk.  

"I stole it."  

"You stole it?  You stole Seamus a candy bar?  The proceeds go to charity.  You STOLE it?  That's for charity, man."

"I bought it.  I bought Seamus the candy bar."  

"Well, which is it?  Did you steal a guy a candy bar or did you buy him one?"  

"I bought it."  

Amidst this vague, uncomfortable resolution, the exchange abruptly ended and Billy walked away.     

Since then, I've declined two candy bar offers.  "I'm full" I usually offer while rubbing my distended belly.  

Yesterday he bought Tom a candy bar.  Said he only had a 5, and therefore had to buy 5 Caramelos.  This is interesting when you consider the envelope of single dollar bills situated beside the candy bars in the box at the building's reception desk.