Family Tree

My brother, his X, my sister, parents, and their two friends all got wasted together at a karaoke night at the Jersey Shore. They walked home via boardwalk, nestled between the dunes and beach front properties. Upon reaching their block, my dad mumbled/slurred something about going to the beach. My mom and her friends went home with my sister and my brother's X. My brother stayed behind, opting to sit on a bench along the boardwalk. By the time my father was done standing in the surf, waxing philosophical, my brother had passed out in the sand at the entrance to the beach. My father tripped over him, and not knowing he'd encountered his son, asked if he was ok. Mike's mumbled response satisfied his unsuspecting father who continued on his way, eventually taking a seet at the very bench in his son had been seated minutes before.

Enter my sister:

A friend of hers from college stopped by the house at 2:00 in the morning. They went for a walk…sis apologizing for the behavior (loud drunkenness) of my mother and her friends as they stepped outside of the house. They walked towards the boardwalk where my father was seated on a bench. He must have looked like a trainwreck because her friend said, not knowing the identity of the man on the bench, "Get a load of this guy!" As they got closer it became apparent….

"This is my dad," she said, half chuckling to her friend. He had this dumb look on his face and his hair was all over the place. Startled, he tried to introduce himself and engate them in conversation only neither one couldn't understand him.

Dad headed back to the house, leaving the relatively lucid duo to continue along the boardwalk, sister apologizing and trying to rationalize her family's behavior all the while. "I'm sorry. This is so weird! He's usually not like this. We're usually not like this!"

(Fast forward to their return to the house) As they walked in through a sliding glass door their attention was immediately drawn towards the TV, which has been left on. On the couch in front of the TV they find my dad, passed out, snoring, and with a clondike (sp?) bar melted all over his shirt across his chest. More apologies and excuses follow.

From where they're standing they can only see the countertops of the kitchen. A view of the floor is blocked by a peninsula counter. They proceed towards the kitchen (presumably to get either water or beers) where they find my brother, passed out on the floor with his head perched up against the dishwasher like it were a pillow.

"Who's this?" the friend asks.

"My brother," she responds with a hint of resignation in her voice.

(Fast forward to the morning after) My brother joins my sister on the beach. She puts down her book as he's laying out his towel. "What happened to you last night?" she asks.

He shakes his head, "I don't know…..I passed out on the beach though….and I woke up at one point because some asshole was kicking me."

Caitlin went into hysterics, laughing herself sick, while he sat there wondering what was so funny. Gasping for air, "That was dad!"

"Oh."