Congrats on a job well done. Mallen made a mocumentary about the SoCal surf scene. If you haven't seen it, you can see it here. The film was recently featured in the New York Surf Film Festival and written up here.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Mallen!
Congrats on a job well done. Mallen made a mocumentary about the SoCal surf scene. If you haven't seen it, you can see it here. The film was recently featured in the New York Surf Film Festival and written up here.
Dumber & Dumb
Preamble:
Marty’s a close friend of mine even though he works in the self-aggrandizing, self-important world of high finance. I exaggerate and I kid. I actually like everyone he’s felt compelled to introduce me to, but I’m trying to paint a picture for the purposes of what will assuredly be another mediocre story. But I digress, Marty’s mildly successful, works hard, and, in keeping with his peers, takes himself very seriously. Coincidentally, he works “on the same desk” as someone else named Seamus. Together, they are the mover and shaker’s mover and shaker, wheeling and dealing all over the eastern seaboard in expensive suits and Vineyard Vines ties.
Story:
Cell phone rings at 7:00am. I’m out of it. That’s an understatement. My eyes actually well up with tears when the highlights of Minnesota’s 12th inning victory over Detroit culminate in frenzied celebration. I’m clinically brain dead. I’m watching SportsCenter at almost no volume, so as not to awaken the slumbering dictator in the other room, while putting the finishing touches on a carefully crafted work ensemble. The phone’s ringing catches me off guard and by “catch me off guard” I mean I jumped a little and shrieked like a mouse.
“Hello?”
“Seamus, it’s Jennifer from New York.”
“Uh…. Uhhhh…… Hi Jennifer.” At this point, I’m beginning to think she’s someone from home office but have no real clue. Her name doesn’t ring familiar, and I can’t think of anything I have going on at work that would require a 7:30am cellular phone call from home office.
“Jennifer Toll. I know you’re traveling today, but I need to set up a conference call between you, Logan Stilton, Thadius Redclay, Tristrom Barstove III, and Terence Wilforke.”
I’m traveling today? Am I supposed to be traveling today? Shit! “Ok! Let’s do it. What do you need from me? Ready when you are.” Shit! Where the hell am I supposed to be going today?!”
Wait a second! Logan Stilt? That sounds familiar.
“Jennifer?”
“Seamus?”
“Jennifer, do you think I’m Seamus Parker?”
“You’re not Seamus Parker?”
“I’m Seamus O’Connell. Although you can’t tell right now over the phone, I’m actually much better looking than Seamus Parker. Did Marty put you up to this?”
“Mr. Martino gave me your number.”
“Mr. Martino is Martin. Don’t let him fool you. He’s an idiot.”
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience!”
“Jennifer, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m actually a little disappointed. I really wanted to be on that call. Sounds like a doozy. Tell Seamus, Logan Stilton, Thadius Redclay, Tristrom Barstove III, Terence Wilforke, and Mr. Martin that I said hello. We’ll really need their best heading into the heart of the 4th quarter here if this flagship international corporation is to remain afloat.”
“Will do.” She laughs uncomfortably because I sound serious, but also like I have no idea what I’m talking about.
"Click."
Moral of the Story: This is what I love about Marty: just when I think I’m rock bottom stupid on some random, rainy morning, he was actually even dumber, first.
Marty’s a close friend of mine even though he works in the self-aggrandizing, self-important world of high finance. I exaggerate and I kid. I actually like everyone he’s felt compelled to introduce me to, but I’m trying to paint a picture for the purposes of what will assuredly be another mediocre story. But I digress, Marty’s mildly successful, works hard, and, in keeping with his peers, takes himself very seriously. Coincidentally, he works “on the same desk” as someone else named Seamus. Together, they are the mover and shaker’s mover and shaker, wheeling and dealing all over the eastern seaboard in expensive suits and Vineyard Vines ties.
Story:
Cell phone rings at 7:00am. I’m out of it. That’s an understatement. My eyes actually well up with tears when the highlights of Minnesota’s 12th inning victory over Detroit culminate in frenzied celebration. I’m clinically brain dead. I’m watching SportsCenter at almost no volume, so as not to awaken the slumbering dictator in the other room, while putting the finishing touches on a carefully crafted work ensemble. The phone’s ringing catches me off guard and by “catch me off guard” I mean I jumped a little and shrieked like a mouse.
“Hello?”
“Seamus, it’s Jennifer from New York.”
“Uh…. Uhhhh…… Hi Jennifer.” At this point, I’m beginning to think she’s someone from home office but have no real clue. Her name doesn’t ring familiar, and I can’t think of anything I have going on at work that would require a 7:30am cellular phone call from home office.
“Jennifer Toll. I know you’re traveling today, but I need to set up a conference call between you, Logan Stilton, Thadius Redclay, Tristrom Barstove III, and Terence Wilforke.”
I’m traveling today? Am I supposed to be traveling today? Shit! “Ok! Let’s do it. What do you need from me? Ready when you are.” Shit! Where the hell am I supposed to be going today?!”
Wait a second! Logan Stilt? That sounds familiar.
“Jennifer?”
“Seamus?”
“Jennifer, do you think I’m Seamus Parker?”
“You’re not Seamus Parker?”
“I’m Seamus O’Connell. Although you can’t tell right now over the phone, I’m actually much better looking than Seamus Parker. Did Marty put you up to this?”
“Mr. Martino gave me your number.”
“Mr. Martino is Martin. Don’t let him fool you. He’s an idiot.”
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience!”
“Jennifer, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m actually a little disappointed. I really wanted to be on that call. Sounds like a doozy. Tell Seamus, Logan Stilton, Thadius Redclay, Tristrom Barstove III, Terence Wilforke, and Mr. Martin that I said hello. We’ll really need their best heading into the heart of the 4th quarter here if this flagship international corporation is to remain afloat.”
“Will do.” She laughs uncomfortably because I sound serious, but also like I have no idea what I’m talking about.
"Click."
Moral of the Story: This is what I love about Marty: just when I think I’m rock bottom stupid on some random, rainy morning, he was actually even dumber, first.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Capitalist Commensalism
Symbiosis describes the close and often long-term relationships between species. Well, let's take one of the subsets of this idea and move it over to the business realm. All the way over, in fact, to hemorrhoid cream manufacturers, and smart phone manufacturers and their service providers. Way I see it, in fact, Preparation H owes Apple, Google, and Blackberry some serious coin. Or at least a back rub.
My sister, who is getting her PhD in evolutionary anthropology, will either be very impressed with this thought process or very disappointed. Either way, you just read this.
My sister, who is getting her PhD in evolutionary anthropology, will either be very impressed with this thought process or very disappointed. Either way, you just read this.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Old Friends
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episdode 6
OLD FRIENDS: TRUCE (Episode 4) - watch more funny videos
Episode 5
Old Friends - Katie's Day (Episode 5) - watch more funny videos
Episdode 6
Old Friends - Love Story (Episode 6) - watch more funny videos
Saturday, September 26, 2009
The Fun
SportsCenter anchors have been quoting "Got Some" while they ramble through baseball highlights lately. "Teixeira goes deep. Got some if you need it!" I love SportsCenter. It's been well-documented that I also love Pearl Jam. How come I don't know how to feel about SportsCenter anchors quoting Pearl Jam?
Speaking of self-seriousness (segue!), Backspacer, PJ's ninth studio album, is undoubtedly its lightest in terms of sound and lyrical content. Coming in under 40 minutes, nowhere is the introspective weightiness of Ten or the dissident frustration of Riot Act or Pearl Jam. This album is less of a showcase for chops than anything else in PJ's catalogue. It won't blow anyone's mind who isn't already sold. It's not a masterpiece either, but it isn't trying to be. Backspacer is really fun to listen to, which is important. I forget that sometimes.
I really wish I hadn't seen Pitchfork's review of Backspacer before I had actually heard the album. Pitchfork is to the naysayers what I am to the yaysayers, so to speak... Now I feel like I have to maintain some sort of objectivity and integrity that I never had in the first place. It's a funny thing, listening to an album for the first time fully intent on writing a review, having already read [the first paragraph of] one. You can easily forget you're supposed to enjoy listening to music, lost in a fit of self-seriousness. This is supposed to be fun. Remember that.
Speaking of self-seriousness (segue!), Backspacer, PJ's ninth studio album, is undoubtedly its lightest in terms of sound and lyrical content. Coming in under 40 minutes, nowhere is the introspective weightiness of Ten or the dissident frustration of Riot Act or Pearl Jam. This album is less of a showcase for chops than anything else in PJ's catalogue. It won't blow anyone's mind who isn't already sold. It's not a masterpiece either, but it isn't trying to be. Backspacer is really fun to listen to, which is important. I forget that sometimes.
The album begins behind the power of a lilting bass line from Jeff Ament with a rock and roll energy that remains consistent until the appropriately titled "The End", save for "Just Breathe", track 5, which could have been included on the "Into the Wild Soundtrack". When Eddie croons "Stay with me, let's just breathe" about a minute in, the hair on the back of your neck will likely stand at attention. "Amongst the Waves" will make you want to get in the ocean. Triumphantly. On "Unthought Known", Boom Gasper's most prominent effort to date, when the opening chords chime by themselves just before Ed joins them in a whisper, I find myself eagerly anticipating the entrance of Boom's piano, because that means I'm that much closer to "Feel the sky blanket you With gems and rhinestones!!! See the path cut by the moon For you to walk on". In a departure from all of the material that has preceded it, this album is life-affirming, attesting to all its beauty and wonder. Like one of their shows.
When I started writing this review a few days ago, I expected to gently pan this album. In a strange way I wanted to. I wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of being objective about this band. Now, as I sit here listening to the album for maybe the 7th or 8th time, I can't help but laugh and shake my head while my it bobs back and forth and my left foot stomps. Who needs objectivity when you've got Pearl Jam? Not me.
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